Not Ready to Make Nice: A Beltane Memory

Forgive, sounds good.Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say, time heals everything, but I'm still waiting.
-Dixie Chicks, Not Ready to Make Nice

(on the proximity of Beltane, I have discovered that this memory still bothers me, so I reproduce this post from LiveJournal to cleanse my soul. As for the "friend" mentioned in the post, he's still a friend,though much less close, adn I know he sometimes reads this blog...so, paraphrasing Carly Simon, if you think this post is about you, then it is:)))

Well, the proximity of Beltane brings me memories of two years ago. I had this friend I was having feelings for, and he wasn't a Wiccan; in fact he was a Spiritualist. Being a very sensitive and intelligent man, I thought he would look beyond the topics when it came to my beliefs; I certainly wasn't thinking of Victorian houses and spine-chilling seances when I approached his. Alas, how wrong was I. I explained to him the eight sabbats, including Beltane,which is very special to me since it is also my birthday. I explained to him that is the festivity of love and fertilty par excellence. I explained to him that many Wiccans celebrate it under the stars with their lovers in a passionate night of love. I showed him poems and texts that told about it, some written by myself. And, like other less intelligent boyfriends of mine, he assumed that Wicca was very much about orgies, and that Wiccan women, including me, were easy and loose. We continued our relationship but the misunderstanding was evident; he thought my main interest was sex, he undervalued my feelings. Pooh, I guess he wasn't as intelligent as I thought: I mean he had known me for years, he knew a lot of things about me; and now, just because I'm a Wiccan, I'm a sex kitten??? Please!!!

Not that I believe in the "promiscuous woman=whore" equation. I don't give a shit about the double standard of a man being a Superman if he gets a woman every night and the woman being a cheap whore if she does the same. A woman who decides not to be monogamous has a perfect right to do so, and she is no better and no worse than a woman who decides on the contrary. What irks me is, as always, the preconceived ideas. Wicca and Paganism do have a very tolerant view on sex. Sex is for us a metaphor of creation, and also a gift of the Goddess, pure, sacred and pleasurable. But we don't tell anybody how he/she must live their sexuality. Beause we aren't all the same. Some people are more comfortable with monogamy, others need casual sex. Some people are heterosexual, others are homosexual, others are bisexual. Some people believe in marriage,some don't,. Some people need to be in love to have sex, some don't. And they aren't more or less Pagan or Wiccan because of that. There is not such thing as a Pagan sexuality- maybe the only thing we Pagans usually have in common, and I'm sure that there must be exceptions (which is sad for me) is a lack of fear of talking sexuality, and a large tolerance for different orientations.

And yes, I hear your question: Are there orgies in your rites? Answer: Not by rule. I f a coven decides to make orgies well, that's their choice. But they do it because they have decided it, not because it's the rule. Anyway, in these days of STDs and sex crimes, people are less willing to take part in orgies with people they don't know well or strangers. In fact Wiccans are usually very safe-sex conscious. Most of them celebrate Beltane privately with their partners, after normal rituals. If you join a coven and they try to convince you that orgies are absolutely compulsory or try to force you into having sex in rituals, my advice is: run and don't look back. Sex IS NOT an obligation, but a personal decision, for Wiccans and for everybody else.

And this is for the men all around the world...stop thinking with your organ...respect the witch!!!

Are you scared to get happy?-Ostara, not just birds and flowers

(Formerly published in my LJ blog)

"April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull routes with spring rain."
T. S. Eliot

Last year,I received a care2.com newsletter with this wonderful link about spring and Ostara included. It had a very interesting part about how Easter invites us to renewal and action, headed by the TS Eliot poem above mentioned. As they say, never is being ill, or depressed so difficult as it is in Spring, when everything is beautiful and bright and happy and love seems to be "in the air" . I have lived a depression and I know what I'm saying. This page reminds us that Spring is a time of positivity, of moving on, of being reborn...This is all very well, you say, but I still feel such a black spot on the face of earth because everything looks so beautiful and so happy and I feel so broken, and I don't have the will to go on. Hum, I think you need another point of view to look at Spring.

"At the birth of a child or of a star there is pain"

Oscar Wilde
Why, do you think that Spring is an idyll? Think again. Spring is a painful effort for Nature. It's not easy for a seed to survive the winter and become a plant in Spring, in fact many seeds don't survive. Animals start looking for a mate, and for many males this will mean fighting to the death. If you have a female dog, observe how being in heat disturbs her and makes her nervous. For many people, spring means allergy, and they dread this time of year. No matter how romantic or Disney-like Spring may look to you, it is Nature at its busiest for multiplying and perpetuating, and it is as big a drama, or maybe more, as the cold and windy winter, which is in fact a time of rest. I don't know if April is the cruelest month, but for Nature is the most decisive for its survival.

Next time you think of Spring, remember; Nature is fighting to survive, like you. You're not a black spot, you're just another living being trying to find its way on earth, so you'r enot that out of place. No life is a romance, not even the life of a plant or of a star. Joy comes after sorrow, sorrow after joy. There cannot be one without the other. Don't fear any of the two processes, they are involved in every life.

It Couldn't Happen Here???-Intolerance, European style

Did you read my post on Stephanie Conover? Are you European, maybe British? Did you think "these things only happen in the USA"??

OK, get ready to think again:
http://iccheshireonline.icnetwork.co.uk/crewechronicle/news/tm_headline=spiritual-crisis&method=full&objectid=20467226&siteid=50020-name_page.html#story_continue

The story doesn't affect me just as a Wiccan, since a dear friend who lives not that far from there is a Spiritualist. Throwing Bibles and leaving messages inside books? Why not book bonfires, the Nazi way, while you're at it?

It's sad to see this, but remember: It CAN happen next door to you. And if you don't do something about it, it will.

Once More is Too Much: Support Stephanie Conover

Stephanie Conover is a woman who has been banned from a beauty pageant jury just because she does Reiki (!) and Tarot(!!)Read the whole story here.

I've never liked beauty pageants, not because they base themselves on beauty...if that was the case surely they'd be way fairer. They usually have many more things implied : a concept of woman whop conforms to certain standards and is submissive to them. (to put another example,until recently women who were mothers were not allowed to become Miss Spain on the ground that "during her reign her kids would be neglected"- needless to say, there was no such prohibition for their male counterparts,candidates for Mr. Spain)Beauty pageants usually promote values that would come down to "shut up and look pretty" no matter if you're jury or contestant. And that's my problem with them.I'm tired of this kind of worldview that excludes those who don't conform to rules. If you are too,email these Miss Toronto people: misstorontotourism@yahoo.ca or join the Facebook group "I support Stephanie Conover".
I see this kind of stuff everyday, but somehow this was the last straw.

The Bride is Back: Celebrating Imbolc

(Originally posted on my LJ blog)
Imbolc is celebrated on February 2nd, and Christians celebrate it as Candlemas or the Purification of Virgin Mary. And right they are too; this holiday is about washing and cleaning yourself anew.Did you think it was enough with New Year's resolutions? No way Jose! The Goddess , after giving birth, is recovering-or purifying,as the Jewish traditions demand in the case of Mary. The Goddess rejuvenates, becomes an untouched maiden again, and the circle starts over. Just like the earth, which starts to let go of cold and feel the nearness of spring (or so it was before climatic change, huh?) and each time is like a renewal of her youth, so it is for the Goddess. She is preparing the courtship which will take place in Ostara,and the marriage of Beltane. She was Crone the whole winter long, and she is Maiden again.Can you see the analogy?Each year you are given a new chance. But it's not a present to be opened on New Year's morning, because the Earth knows better than Julius Caesar, and knows that when the world is filled with darkness and cold, it's not a good time to start over. But when the earth starts to breathe, the weather softens, and animals give birth to their ffirst offspring (Imbolc = ewe's milk) it's about the right time to get moving. You are the bridegroom, the world is your Blushing Bride,and she is awaiting. And she won't wait long-the Merry Month of May is not that far. Go court her.

Island of the West: Death from a Pagan point of view

Dedicated to Bluething. She knows why.

I was happy. Wherever I... was... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time... didn't mean anything... nothing had form... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm... and I was loved... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or... any of it, really... but I think I was in heaven.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Episode "After Life"

I am often asked about the Pagan views on death. Well, we hold different ones-some of us believe in a sort of heaven named Summerland, others believe in reincarnation...and others, like me, believe that death is an eternal rest from this strife called life. But what we all do share is the idea that death is not a fearful place, but a place where we lay down our head on the breast of the Goddess, no matter what we've done, no matter how good or bad we've been,and rest in perfect peace.
This song by my admired Starhawk and her band Reclaiming sums up perfectly what I feel:

The ship is on the shoreline,
the crossing it is near
The time has come to say goodbye
To all who’ve loved you here
Give back your body to the earth
Like a child to its mother’s breast
And may you then grow young again
on the Island of the West
Lay down, lay down, your burdens
Lay down your treasures too
The love you gave and gathered
is all you take with you
But know to me your memory
will ever more be blessed
And may you then grow young again
On the Island of the West
They say there is an orchard
across the farthest sea
Where fruit and bud and blossom
grow together on the tree
The hurt will there find healing
The weary there find rest
And may you then grow young again on the Island of the West

(Starhawk and Reclaiming, Island of the West)

If you, like me, have seen a loved one struggle through illness and seen the peace in his/her face after death, I need to say no more. Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.