Not Ready to Make Nice: A Beltane Memory

Forgive, sounds good.Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say, time heals everything, but I'm still waiting.
-Dixie Chicks, Not Ready to Make Nice

(on the proximity of Beltane, I have discovered that this memory still bothers me, so I reproduce this post from LiveJournal to cleanse my soul. As for the "friend" mentioned in the post, he's still a friend,though much less close, adn I know he sometimes reads this blog...so, paraphrasing Carly Simon, if you think this post is about you, then it is:)))

Well, the proximity of Beltane brings me memories of two years ago. I had this friend I was having feelings for, and he wasn't a Wiccan; in fact he was a Spiritualist. Being a very sensitive and intelligent man, I thought he would look beyond the topics when it came to my beliefs; I certainly wasn't thinking of Victorian houses and spine-chilling seances when I approached his. Alas, how wrong was I. I explained to him the eight sabbats, including Beltane,which is very special to me since it is also my birthday. I explained to him that is the festivity of love and fertilty par excellence. I explained to him that many Wiccans celebrate it under the stars with their lovers in a passionate night of love. I showed him poems and texts that told about it, some written by myself. And, like other less intelligent boyfriends of mine, he assumed that Wicca was very much about orgies, and that Wiccan women, including me, were easy and loose. We continued our relationship but the misunderstanding was evident; he thought my main interest was sex, he undervalued my feelings. Pooh, I guess he wasn't as intelligent as I thought: I mean he had known me for years, he knew a lot of things about me; and now, just because I'm a Wiccan, I'm a sex kitten??? Please!!!

Not that I believe in the "promiscuous woman=whore" equation. I don't give a shit about the double standard of a man being a Superman if he gets a woman every night and the woman being a cheap whore if she does the same. A woman who decides not to be monogamous has a perfect right to do so, and she is no better and no worse than a woman who decides on the contrary. What irks me is, as always, the preconceived ideas. Wicca and Paganism do have a very tolerant view on sex. Sex is for us a metaphor of creation, and also a gift of the Goddess, pure, sacred and pleasurable. But we don't tell anybody how he/she must live their sexuality. Beause we aren't all the same. Some people are more comfortable with monogamy, others need casual sex. Some people are heterosexual, others are homosexual, others are bisexual. Some people believe in marriage,some don't,. Some people need to be in love to have sex, some don't. And they aren't more or less Pagan or Wiccan because of that. There is not such thing as a Pagan sexuality- maybe the only thing we Pagans usually have in common, and I'm sure that there must be exceptions (which is sad for me) is a lack of fear of talking sexuality, and a large tolerance for different orientations.

And yes, I hear your question: Are there orgies in your rites? Answer: Not by rule. I f a coven decides to make orgies well, that's their choice. But they do it because they have decided it, not because it's the rule. Anyway, in these days of STDs and sex crimes, people are less willing to take part in orgies with people they don't know well or strangers. In fact Wiccans are usually very safe-sex conscious. Most of them celebrate Beltane privately with their partners, after normal rituals. If you join a coven and they try to convince you that orgies are absolutely compulsory or try to force you into having sex in rituals, my advice is: run and don't look back. Sex IS NOT an obligation, but a personal decision, for Wiccans and for everybody else.

And this is for the men all around the world...stop thinking with your organ...respect the witch!!!